“O my child, I am coming to you walking on the waters of the sorrows or your life; yes, above the sounds of the storm you shall hear My voice call your name. What seems to you to be at present a difficult situation is all part of My planning, and I am working out the details of circumstances so that I may bless you and reveal Myself to you in a new way. Never let your faith waver.”
It is so encouraging to know that God sees all that we go through. All the pain we experience, all the difficulty we endure, God hears us call out to Him. Even when it does not appear that He is listening, He is listening. Even when the situation does not seem to change, to know that it is all part of His plan is so uplifting. Even when the doors don’t seem to be opening, He is working out the details and in due time the doors will open. It is awesome to know that God knows that at times our faith wants to waver; at times our mind wonders if the situation will ever change, at times our fear tells us that God does not love us or does not care about what we are going through. But during these times He wants to reassure us that He has it all under His control.
This quote encouraged me this past July. This past July I was kind of in a ‘what am I doing with my life’ stage. At the end of June when I finished graduate school and realized I did not really accomplish much that year, I tried to convince myself that I could do it; that I could go for my PhD and that I could become a professor. By the first week of July I realized I was fooling myself if I thought I could endure another two to three years of graduate school. I remember one Tuesday night coming home so discouraged and downtrodden. (In this blog I really want to be transparent and take off the mask; some people when they look at me might think I am a picture of complete faith and trust, but in July I felt like all my faith was gone) I had spent the last three years attending graduate school, and while I knew that was where God wanted me during that time, I literally could not go another day in that direction. I fell asleep crying, asking God to speak to me. I pleaded with Him to give me peace, and to give me strength, and to give me comfort, and to give me direction; and I felt like He was nowhere to be found.
Frustration crept in, and I was like “God I pray daily, I read your Word, I seek you with all my heart, I don’t compromise; why are you so silent?” I continued praying, “When I need you the most right now, when I can’t take another step without you, when I can’t go on, you are nowhere to be found.” I am going to be honest I was a little depressed. I had just spent three years working on a degree for a profession I did not want to enter. I felt like I was at a fork in the road, and rather than speaking to me, showing me which way He wanted me to go, God, I thought, was not answering my prayers.
I fell asleep quoting scripture and claiming God’s Word, but when I woke up; I pretty much felt the same. And when I was at prayer in the morning, I continued my petition before the Lord and I was like “God I am not going to leave this place until you give me peace. I don’t necessarily have to have an answer, but I can not go this day feeling the way I am feeling.” I don’t know if we are allowed to speak to God that way, but I was at a breaking point. My faith was definitely wavering, and I felt like I was sinking. I was not going to give up on God and my relationship on Him, but I felt like I was in the middle of the ocean calling for a life boat, but finding none.
I don’t know how things changed. But I know by that afternoon I had peace. And over time and after more prayer I confidently decided not to go back to UC Davis and rather to go to become a high school counselor. And I have seen over the past six or seven months since that depressing night in July doors open in my life. I have seen the path cleared for me to work to become a high school counselor. That Tuesday in July I could see no end to the storm. The rain seemed to be pounding and the waves rushing around me. But now there is calm, and there is a peace.
I want to say that all throughout graduate school; I was in constant prayer concerning my future. I honestly believe that God had me there for a reason, but for the three years that I was there, I really was not happy about becoming a professor. For three years I would pray to God and ask Him to guide me to what He wanted me to do. I would ask Him to open the doors He wanted me to go through, I would cry sometimes because I did not think I could make it. I would plead with God to take me out of graduate school; it was an emotional roller coaster for three years, but I waited on the Lord and I waited for Him to open the doors. I never stepped outside of His will. I will be honest, I applied for jobs many times, and even got interviews, but I did not have peace. There was not stillness and so I continued attending < ?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = “urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags” />
I say all of this because I don’t know if right now you are feeling like I was feeling in July. I don’t know if you feel like you don’t know where you are going. I don’t know if you feel like you are in the midst of a storm and there is no umbrella in sight. I don’t know if you feel like everyone else has direction but you. I don’t know if because you have made decisions without consulting God you don’t think He can or will fix the situation. I don’t know what you are dealing with or what you are going through. I don’t know what your prayer has been. I don’t know what doors you need to be opened. I don’t know what word you need to hear from the Lord. But I encourage you, as the quote in the beginning encouraged me, God will see you through. Don’t let your faith waver. He truly loves you; He truly desires the best for your life. Even if you have taken the pen out of His hand and have begun writing and organizing your own story, God allows for you to give the pen back to Him. He truly does desire great things for your life. And this storm it is all part of His plan. Even if He seems silent, keep on praying, keep on believing. The doors might not be opened today, but they will be opened. Don’t let your faith waver. And know that you truly are His child. You truly mean so much to Him. You truly are special to God. Even if you don’t feel special, even if don’t feel like you matter, even if you don’t think great things can come out of you, know that God sees you in a completely different way.
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Foggy. That is the best way to describe my drive to work today. It was so incredibly foggy. As I was maneuvering my way to Newman this morning, trying to make it through the fog, I began thinking about how sometimes in the spiritual sense we have foggy days. You know days where nothing makes sense. Days where we can not see in front of us. days when it is uncertain whether we are even heading in the right direction. So I use my drive to work today as inspiration for today’s blog.
I thought of many things this morning while I was driving. I know for myself I have had many, many days where I feel like I can’t see in front of me. days where the road I am on makes absolutely no sense. days where I call out to God but the fogginess does not subside. I am not sure if any one of you finds yourself in that place today. You have a decision to make. You are in the midst of a trial. You went down one road convinced that was what God wanted and now that road is full of fogginess. I want to leave you with some encouragement.
This morning as I was driving to work, I literally could not see in front of me. I was kinda of scared because I had no idea what lay in front of me. isn’t that how life is too sometimes? We are ‘driving’ so to speak in life but we can not see what lies ahead. What we do during these times is so crucial. This morning I had to keep on driving. I had to trust that I was going to get to work. In the spiritual sense as well, when life seems foggy, when things don’t make sense, we have to trust that God knows what He is doing. We have to trust that even if we can’t see what lies ahead, God knows what does.
Not only that but we have to trust that as long as we are praying and as long as we are seeking God, then the road we are on must be the right road. This morning while I was driving there was a time where I kinda questioned whether I was headed to Newman. I could see nothing. absolutely nothing. and so I wondered if I missed a turn, or if turned by accident. I think many of us do that in the spiritual sense as well. we are headed on a road, whatever that road may be and things don’t make sense, and things are not clear and so we question whether we are on the right road at all. And we wonder. It is important that during this time we don’t make any rash decisions.
As I was driving this morning, I had to make sure that I drove incredibly slow. The people behind me were probably irritated, but I did not want to take any chances. In life we have to do that too. When things don’t make sense, when we are surrounded by fogginess, when life is unclear, we have to make sure we don’t make any rash decisions. We have to make sure we don’t go out on our own. We have to make sure we don’t reason within ourselves. We have to trust in God.
There have been many times when I have prayed for certain situations and God does not seem to be answering me. He does not seem to be lifting the fog. Rather than things getting clearer, they remain incredibly foggy. And it is during these times I can be tempted to take another route. During these times I can try to reason within myself and lift the fog myself, but doing so will take me down a road that God does not want me on. I have learned that as long as I pray and as long as I seek God He will eventually lift the fog. He will eventually give me direction. And I will be able to look back and I will be able to see that He guided me.
It is so important therefore that during our times of fogginess we surround ourselves with people we know have a prayer life, people we know seek God, people we know live for God. if we surround ourselves with bitter, discouraging, no pray-life having people, they are not going to help us during times of fogginess. Rather than helping us they are going get us lost. It is so crucial that when we are in the midst of a fog we surround ourselves with people who trust God, who believe in God because they will provide us the encouragement we need to help us through.
I don’t know if any of you are in a foggy situation right now. I don’t know if you are praying for direction, if you are praying for a particular need, if you are in the midst of a trial, but I encourage you to continue driving down the road you are on. God might not lift the fog right now, but as you pray you will see that he will guide you through it. Trust that God will get you to the destination.